There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
