when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize