I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
