I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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