ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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