I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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