fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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