I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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