Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Randomize
