I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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