shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
