What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
