Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
The best revenge is premature balding
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
My pussy is not your playground.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
