I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
