I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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