He had one of those small greek statue penises
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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