using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
He felt like a one man threesome
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Randomize
