hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize