dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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