Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
