We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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