She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
