I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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