We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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