a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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