i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
