but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
