I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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