How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
