The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
