well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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