Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
