i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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