I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You can't motorboat a personality
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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