Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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