Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
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Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
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Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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