The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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