six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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