i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
don't judge my taste in strippers
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
