Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
