I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
