I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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