Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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