Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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