I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
COCAINE IS GR8
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
