I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize