Even the bartender felt bad for me
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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