Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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