I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
