I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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