I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
