i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
