I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I checked into jail on foursquare
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
