did you get engaged???
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
