i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
