i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
