his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
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he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
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I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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