you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
