What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
