Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
the day after is always just damage control
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
