I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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