im so drunk with asians
where?
always
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
