I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
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I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
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On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You can't just leave with hair like that
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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