i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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