I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm passing your future prison.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
