Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
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I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
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You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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