Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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