toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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